Soldier ‘O Soldier

Why do you do what you do soldier?

Why do you spend sleepless nights fighting for a cause that is not our own?

Why do you train endless hours to do missions that may put you in harm’s way?

Why do you cry yourself to sleep at night remembering those who were lost because of the heat of battle?

Why O’ why soldier do you do the things you do?

Is it for the glory?

Is it for the pay?

Is it for the honor of your country?

Why soldier O’ why do you leave your young wife to possibly go die?

Why do you leave you unborn child to answer freedom’s call?

Soldier O’ soldier what a price you have had to pay for freedom.

Soldier O’ soldier you have spent so much of your blood and tears.

Soldier O’ soldier where are you now that the war is over?

“I spend my time now trying to forget all that was.”

“I spend sleepless nights at home because of the nightmares I have.”

“I cannot enjoy the things I use to enjoy because I fear everything.”

“I cannot let it go because I feel that I should have done it a different way so that other may live.”

“There are times that I wish that I was the one who was lost so that I wouldn’t have to go through the torment of seeing these battles reenacted in my mind over and over again.”

Holiday Stress

Sometimes holiday stress can cause my P.T.S.D. to get a little worse but still manageable as long as I remember to take my medicine and to stay away from the general population of special people who in habit the surrounding area. I tend to become more of a hermit this time of year I will admit to that but it is a great deal better then getting all pissed off because people do not know how to act. On top of that I have my hyper-vigilance which kicks into over drive and if the wife and I have the kids with us I turn in to super prick!

I really don't like this side of me because I feel out of control and very vulnerable to attack even though I am here in a safe place. I have stated before on one of my earlier blog post that I was admitted Christmas Day night into the mental ward of a Hospital around where I live. This was shortly after my release from the Army in November 2009. I was there for about four days while they got me back on track and me back on my medication that I had been out of because I got lost in the cracks of the system. I have however got all my health care switched to the VA and my family is still covered under the Tricare for the time being and hopefully will be covered for a long time to come.

Another reason I get so stressed out this time of year is because I had quite a few bad things happen around this time during my deployments to Iraq. I will never forget this time of year nor will I forget that around my birthday in January I was shot at by a Marine with a M249 Squad Automatic Weapon. This I was really not too happy about and they were lucky that I wait to identify my targets before I shoot other wise I would have lit  them up with the M240B machine gun that was on top of my up-armored truck that I was gunning for. If I would have squeezed the trigger I would be the one sitting in a jail cell because of injuries or deaths that would have came from the bullets that would have flown out of the end of my barrel. To make this whole event even better they were guarding an I.E.D. and were waiting on E.O.D. to come and blow it up. Well it ended up going off before E.O.D. got there so the Marines decided to let us go on through with out E.O.D. Clearing the area. We really didn't care at this point we were all tired because of the long night we had and just wanted to get back to the F.O.B. write our sworn statements then get to bed.

The problems didn't stop there we were so late getting to the one lane bridge that it was backed up for miles. We just wanted to get through so when we saw what was holding up the line we went in front of the stopped truck and crossed the bridge. Then some shit head NCO stop our convoy stating that we "F" up and that we were in trouble. I just shook my head at him and pointed to the driver seat of the vehicle where my Platoon Sergeant was sitting. This NCO then kept us blocked off for ever until he got his entire convoy across the bridge. That took forever and I was getting quite pissed off at this point because I was sleep deprived and this jackass wanted to play games. Well we did manage to get back to the F.O.B. and wrote our reports then went to sleep.

This is the reason why Christmas or any Holiday for that matter might be a little harder on the combat veteran. So if you know a combat veteran tell them thank you and a Merry Christmas from me and hopefully from you too. Remember it is these brave men and women who fight for us and our country even though we may not agree with what our government may make then do from time to time but these soldiers did their duty and everyone should respect that and give them a little slack if they are a little moody during this time of the year.

Hollywood on War

 How can someone who has not been to war truly understand? 

They cannot because unless you experienced war first hand you will never know what it is truly like. I also don't  like it when Hollywood turns something so tragic into a love story as well. Yes, there maybe romances in the war but it takes away from the true issues. That is the side of war that most people have never seen or may never see because their lives were cut too short by the barrel of the gun.


The Aftermath of war is nothing to be taken lightly. All sort of mental and physical aliment come from the fighting and the use of different types of weapons or the burning of hazardous materials. We also should not forget all the innocent people kill or disfigured by the hidden enemy; landmines or I.E.D.'s. This is the true and cold hateful side of war. 


There is nothing glamorous about it and no matter how Hollywood makes the movie they never get it right because they miss the point. The fact that in most wars there is no point to anything. It is just people fighting over something written centuries ago that has been corrupted as time has passed. They believe that if they fight one another that they will gain favor in GOD's eyes. The fight might also have a hidden agenda of gathering natural resources or to take out the political opposition. Anyone can come up with an excuse to start a war if they can get enough people to rally behind a cause whether it be fact or fiction. 


The nightmares that come after the War can be the most disturbing. The fact that you can see these things while you are awake also can be very unnerving. Yet society cannot understand why Veterans cannot be better already the War is coming to a close. I just want to tell these modern day hippies that they have co clue and will never understand what kind of beating one takes in a situation like this. How it affects every aspect of your life and how hard it is to let go of some of the things one sees in war. It is not that we don't want these things to go away it is just that they wont go away no matter how hard we try to forget them. 


There is nothing sadder then a society that treats it combat veterans as a burden on society. We were the one who fought for our country. We were the ones to bear the burden of the American Flag and keep everyone safe in this great country. We are the ones who will always be there to do so if it comes right down to it. Some of us happen to be third generation military. We want to carry on our good family names in the service of our country. These are the things that make some of us tick; the ones from a military family.  We live to serve and serve to live. Some of us even make the most honored sacrifice and lay down our lives so others can live. This is what it is like to stand up and be a soldier, sailor, marine, airman, or coast guard. No matter what branch of service we may have been in we are all brothers and sisters in arms.

Christmas and What if Means to This Combat Veteran

Some of my fondest memories have been around this time of year as a kid. The excitement and the presents. I always played along with the whole Santa Claus thing but know I see Santa Claus as a symbol of a much better time in my life.

As a Combat Veteran I have spent two almost three Christmases away from home in a war that seems to be of no consequence to the United States Citizens; especially the youth. I just know that Iraq was not the place I wanted to be for this time of year. There was a great deal of not so good stuff that happened around Christmas that scar the strongest individual. A great deal of us Veterans has an affliction called P.T.S.D. and a great deal of the US population thinks that we should just get over it because the war is coming to an end and they see us as a burden on society. These people make me sick and have no clue what P.T.S.D. is all about!

I personally cannot stand civilians because of their ignorance. A great deal of them would probably say that I am an asshole or maybe something far worse but I just shrug off what they say and continue on with my daily life. I see the commercialism of this great holiday. It is more then just about people getting presents it is about the birth of Christ which so happen to be the first five letters of Christmas. Therefore it is a Christian Holiday and should not be messed with because people are afraid of offending other people of other faiths. I say they have their holidays let me have mine! 

Two Christmases ago I spent sometime in the mental ward of Darnell Hospital on FT Hood. I was found in my closet and having some kind of P.T.S.D. related issue and my wife took me to the ER and before I knew it I was up stairs in clothes much too small for me and not allowed to smoke until I was their for a while. Even then we only had three scheduled smoke breaks. This Christmas was particularly hard on my family and I. I try and make sure not to let stuff like this to happen ever again. I try to stay away from the large crowded areas and spend most of my time in my home anyways because I cannot stand people.

In conclusion; I cannot stand what has happened to the Christmas Holiday season. I also find people are what people are and that is animals. Yes, people are animals don't fool yourself. The only thing that keeps my spirit of Christmas going is my faith and remembering what the season meant to me as a kid. It is getting better now and I am enjoying Christmas with my wife and kids and seeing the smiles on the children's faces is just enough to put me in the spirit of the season. Remember this is not a season of getting it is giving of one's self to make others happy and this is the way we all should be all year long. I know that I am guilty of this and other infractions but we are all just human.

Veterans' Day 2011

First and foremost I want to thank all our brave men and women who are still in harms ways for protecting us 365 days a year. I would also like to thank all the Veterans that have served our country honorably. I also want to mention all the soldiers who made the biggest sacrifice and lay down their lives for this country in its time of need.

Veterans' Day hold a special place in my heart. My family has a great deal of military members who have served in all branches. I am direct line third generation Weber who had served his country. I served, my Dad served, and my Grandfather served and may he rest in peace. My Grandfather Weber served during WWII and the Korean War. My father served during the Cold War era but he had a brother who served in Vietnam. I served in Iraq with two combat deployments and a total of 27 months between the two.

I have a great deal of family on my mother's side of the family that have served as well. I had two cousins who served in Iraq as well and they both are currently out of the Army. They got out after I did and I am currently on temp medical retirement from the Army due to some issues that were caused by the service to my country.


The Author,
Shane Allen Weber

Wrote my First Guest Blog Post

This post is on the mrslieutenant website link towards the bottom of the page under the PTSD sign. The post is about PTSD and how it has affected so many over the years. I hope that you all get a chance to read it.

It has been a While

I know that it has been a long time since I have written on this blog. Some of the internal scars are sometimes too hard to face head on. Last night I jumped up and almost went after the nurse who came into my sons room. She didn't bump me, she didn't touch me, she just got with-in inches of my foot while changing my son's sheets and I had to stop myself from going through my natural reaction which is to fight. I feel pretty bad about it but all the nurses are cool with it because between my wife and myself we have told them what they should and shouldn't do while around me and I tend to wear a hat that says


Combat Veteran


Dysfunctional Veteran


Leave Me Alone


Just like it is right there. There are two other lines but they are not important. I just like to give people somewhat of a warning before they do something they and I may regret later on.